CAN YOU STILL MEET PEOPLE THE OLD FASHIONED WAY?

In rain-soaked jeans and good spirits, I was doing what most New Yorkers on the Upper West Side were doing on a rainy Sunday: I was having brunch with friends. Everything seemed grayer than usual, but we chatted, ate delicious waffles, and waited for our clothes to dry on our skin. Then I saw it. Out of the corner of my eye. So hard to miss. A bright yellow umbrella. 

Between rather drab-looking umbrellas by the front door of the restaurant, standing out like a ray of sunshine, it beckoned to me, whispering promises of adventure and chance encounters, igniting a weird desire within me. Right then and there, I started plotting. I was going to steal that umbrella. 

I’m not in the habit of stealing things, but see, I had a motive. An ever-hopeless romantic, I was going to fabricate a perfect love story for myself. Possessed by the spirit of Ted Mosby, I pictured myself walking down a rainy street in the distant future, yellow umbrella in hand. The original owner, ideally the man of my dreams, would bump into me. He would immediately recognize his long lost yellow friend. And the rest? The rest would become a story my future children would know by heart as “How I Met Your Father.”

I schemed and schemed. We would order an Uber—unwilling to walk the six blocks in the rain to the subway station—and I would sneak the umbrella under my coat and sprint to the car as it pulled up. Of course, I did feel a little guilty about the prospect of theft, but in my head it was an even trade. I would be leaving behind my perfectly functional, albeit less fun-colored umbrella after all. 

Driven by anticipation (or delusion), I entertained the idea of claiming the umbrella as my own, a symbolic gesture towards manifesting my rom-com daydream. Unfortunately, it was a short-lived fantasy. Before I could go through with my grand heist in the name of love, a man, presumably the umbrella’s rightful owner–definitely not the man of my dreams, definitely gay–picked it up out of the basket and left. 

Well. There goes that dream.

Man, I thought about that umbrella all day. The missed opportunity. The ‘what could have been’ of it all. My friends rightfully questioned why I was so hung up on stealing this silly umbrella. Easy. I was trying so hard to set up this perfect chance encounter, because these things don’t happen anymore. As I grieved the loss of my perfect love story, I couldn’t help but wonder… is meeting people the “old-fashioned” way still a thing?

In a world where dating apps are the norm, and making friends online is easy, what happened to happenstance? I thought of this generation of college freshmen (myself included), who went about making friends in an unusual way.

Once you got accepted into your dream school, you would go to a dedicated Instagram page for your school’s incoming class, and submit a Tinder-profile-esque bio about yourself, in hopes of meeting like-minded people. 

It always looks something like this: “Hi! My name is [blank], and I just got accepted at this school for [blank major]! I’m super excited to be going here in the fall. I like music, hanging out with friends, going out, or staying in. Feel free to reach out if you wanna be friends!”

Accompanying this vague string of interests, is a carefully curated selection of your best photos; out partying with friends (to let people you’re cool), a hot selfie (often borderline thirst trap-y), and picture-perfect candids that invite just the right amount of intrigue so that you seem approachable but still mysterious. 

Similarly, those looking for love often find themselves at home on their couch, swiping past prospect after prospect on various dating apps, in hopes of finding The One. It might seem like life has turned into an eerie Black Mirror episode, but really, it all boils down to the idea of “a third place.”

A third place is a designated place for socializing and meeting people, that isn’t your home (first place), or your office (second place). Seems simple, right? The problem is that nowadays, the universal third place has become this little thing known as The Internet. This means that instead of physically venturing out into the world in search of a third place, the internet has put a third place right in our pockets, one click away, accessible any time, from anywhere.

Don’t get me wrong. The internet is awesome. But still, we all crave to revive the lost art of meeting people out in the wild. Of stumbling upon a stranger before they become your best friend. So let’s fix that. Easier said than done, right?

Here are some tips:

1. GO SOMEWHERE INTEREST-SPECIFIC.  Do you like to read? Join a book club. Fitness fanatic? Sign up for a weekly workout class. Whatever hobbies or interests that bring you joy, chances are the people who share those hobbies are your kind of people. So, go out. Venture. Find those like-minded people and make them your people. Do the things you love while keeping an open mind. The rest will fall into place.

2. BODY LANGUAGE BABY. Picture this: You are at said interest-specific activity. Noise cancelling headphones on. Head buried in your phone. Would you expect anyone to approach you if you present yourself as unapproachable? I know it sounds cheesy, but instead, try a smile. It’s inviting. Make it known that you are welcoming a conversation. It’s all about body language. Be aware of how you carry yourself. It matters. Shoulders back, head up, and an inviting smile could be the key to your next great encounter. 

3. DITCH THE SMALL TALK. It’s stiff. It’s awkward. It keeps you talking in circles that lead nowhere. How was your day? Good, yours? Great. Amazing. Good. SNOOZE. Instead, try something like… How was your day? So good! I’ve been listening to the new Beyoncé album all day and it’s put me in such a good mood. OMG country Beyoncé is so great, right? Boom, you’ve found a common interest. Now the conversation flows. 

4. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD. I know it might be hard to believe, but you are cool. Personally, I often hesitate to approach people, because in my head, they’re thinking “Why is this person talking to me? EW.” But think of it like this: if the roles were reversed, would you think that? It takes a switch in mindset, but once you convince yourself that anyone would be lucky to be approached by you, you’ll be unstoppable. 

So, go. Meet people in the real world. Find the love of your life. Your ideal friend group. It just takes a little courage. And if all else fails, you could always try stealing an umbrella. 

By Nazly Elbosaty

Published April 17, 2024.